Office pranks

[MaXMhZ]

*When two (or more) people are working a desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!

*Put a peice of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.

*Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're not using your phone. Also, when there is no service where you are, most cell phone companies have a banner that pops up on your screen saying "no service".

*Take a can of non gel shaving cream, and put it in a freezer. When it is frozen remove the bottom of the can and put it in co worker's drawer. When it melts it expands and explodes all over everything.

*Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into a frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "you suck!". They will usually panick and start scanning for viruses.

*Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall drivers, reboot, etc., before they realize what has happened.

*Do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You'll have to hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it...sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!

*This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick in a floppy in there floppy drive. They will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.

*Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Preferably a reggae or rap CD. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound full blast on the volume control. On normal configurations the audio CD will autoplay when windows first starts up. The person starting up there PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.

*This is for that special person you just cant stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal e-mail all day. Go into their e-mail and change their defaults to autmatically "blind carbon copy" their boss or supervisor. Heads will roll!

*Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or untill you think everybody has gotten over their caffine addiction)and switch to expresso!

*Try "password securing" someone's screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to "scrolling marque" and inserting your own word or phrase, "Mr. Jones (president or supervisor) licks dead donkeys balls" or something to that effect.

*With someone who is on the phone a lot during work - This works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpeice inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpeice. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line the next day, and won't be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.

And The Best Prank Of All
*Simply pop out the 'm' and 'n' key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

[Tully]

The last one wont work for touch typists, but almost as good is to move the "home" keys (F & J on PC keyboards) with the little locator bumps on them

[Howie]

*Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or until you think everybody has gotten over their caffine addiction)and switch to expresso!

Good suggestion but do you know where I can find decaffeinated coffee that doesn't taste it?

[WWSensei]

In the spirit of the old Skippy's List of things he isn't allowed to do in the Army I decided to start listing the things my boss has started saying I'm not allowed to do in the office anymore. This list grows on occasion. Yes, these are all true from actual "counseling" sessions he has had with me.

1) "Because that would just be stupid." is not an acceptable response as to why we don't implement some feature.

2) I am not allowed to dress up as "Terrible" Terry Tate, office linebacker, and tackle people in the halls for Halloween. (http://www.reebok.com)

3) I am not allowed to dress up as "Terrible" Terry Tate, office linebacker, and tackle people in the halls on any other holidays either.

4) It is not part of the intern's job description to hand wash and detail my car.

5) I am not allowed to change the Job Description in the HR database for my job to "Supreme Overlord".

6) I'm not allowed to alter the organizational chart in the Intra-website to show that the Board of Directors is made up of "Little Green Aliens". (Stole that idea right from Skippy).

7) It is unacceptable to spray baby powder under the door of the marketing director's office using a blow dryer.

8.) It is unacceptable to spray baby power under the door of the marketing director's door using any kind of wind producing device.

9) It is unacceptable to spray baby power under the door of the marketing director's door. Period. And they really mean it this time.

10) The main conference room wall displays are not to be used for lunchtime showings of the first season of "South Park".

11) I am no longer allowed to use the main conference wall displays at all for displaying any sort of non-work related material--not just South Park.

12) Interns are not required to scrub the kitchen floor.

13) While it is nice to encourage team building exercises Nerf Dart Intern Hunting is not to be played in the office during business hours.

14) Please refrain from running to the window and critiqueing the flight patterns of jets from the local fighter base during staff meetings. (They just don't understand!)

15) Interns do NOT have to pay you to use the unfinished first floor area for rollerblading.

16) New employees don't either. (See 15)

17) You are not allowed to respond with a company wide email that the Marketing Director's "100 Word Decision" is really 1124 words long.

18.) QA analyst are not "proof a million monkeys randomly typing on a keyboard won't produce a thing."

19) I should refrain from using "colorful" fighter-pilot jargon, especially around the Canadians. (No kidding, he really added the last part...I guess it's ok to use "colorful" jargon around everyone else. I also don't have a way of knowing exactly who is Canadian...)

20) I am not allowed to respond to telephone questions from the Sales Director with quotes from a Magic 8 Ball.

21) During a meeting the proper response to criticism is "Thank you for your gift of feedback." not "That's just your dumbass opinion."

22) "Gifts of Feedback" is not the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

23) When correcting myself and acknowledging that "gifts of feedback" is not the stupidest thing I've ever heard I'm not allowed to list several other, even more stupid things I've heard from them.

24) Interns do NOT have to fetch me lunch.

25) I am not to refer to trips to corporate HQ as "slumming."

26) I am no longer allowed to hang the sign in the bathroom over the urinals which says "Those with short hoses and low boost pressure please taxi closer to the receptacles."

27) I am no longer allowed to hire a singing telegram to show up at work and sing "Middle-Aged Blues Boogie" while dressed as the Grim Reaper on my boss's birthday.

28.) I am no longer allowed to tell the interns that "Intern Appreciation Day" was set aside for them to show their appreciation to me by buying my lunch.

29.) When PO'd at my boss I am no longer allowed to call the local chapter of Jehovah Witnesses' and pretend to be him and invite them over to "my" house tonight to discuss my salvation...

[yuluma]

if you have big green bins near ur office, put some tomato sauce under tha handle and watch as peopla wipe it on their clothes without thinking.

also trying chucking a bucket of water under a toilet door while someone inside has their pants down

funfunfunfunfun

[jimmywohand]

*Put a piece of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.*

An alteration to this for more widespread discomfort is to secrete a large fresh fish somewhere about the office. If you have a false ceiling ( the type with lift out polystyrene tiles) this is perfect. Best used when leaving your job, being relocated, moving to new floor etc. This can also be done if your bank has dicked you about. Take out a safety deposit box and cram it full of haddock.

[EURO_Snoopy]

Gee I wouldn't like to upset you!!

[Luckyboy1]

When people ask me if how I make sense of the paerwork, I tell them I try not to, it slows down the work!